Angry couple yelling at each other  isolated over white
The road less travelled. How to avoid conflict, anger and hurt.
June 2, 2014
about-1
Think anxiety or depression may be setting in? You can just tell it where to go!!!
June 2, 2014
double-face

Think I’m talking about HIM? Not this time, although if this piece were about relationships, I would be. I’m talking about YOU, HER, THEM. Men and women.

Ever go into a store where the price tags make your eyes pop out of your head and roll back right out? Oh, but wait, they’re offering discounts! Huge discounts! Hmmmm. Now this makes the price more attainable and the garment more appealing and accessible, right? Maybe. Why fly through hoops to convince you you’re getting what you’re paying for? It’s a lot of work, in my opinion. To deceive you and have such an intricately detailed marketing plan, when surely, it would be much easier in the long run for both the manufacturer and the consumer, to be honest.

When all is said and done, all the pomp and circumstance doesn’t really hide a thing. When we’re in emotional pain of any kind, however minimal or great, I don’t think we need to succumb and reduce our self-worth. Making something look better than it is is usually see-through anyway. It’s time better spent looking at true value and worth, and appreciating and evaluating what we’ve got and asessing what needs to be done to avoid the lies, the deceit and the masks. Because in the end, we only fool ourselves.

We, our emotional selves, walk around as advertising billboards everyday, purporting ourselves to be something that we’re not. And in some kind of pain. I’m talking to you, the one suffering today, right now, with emotional angst or upset. You’re living your public life one way, when really, your personal life is suffering. We are very good at masking, lying and deceiving. Ourselves especially. It’s easier than dealing with the real issues. And so it begins….the ultimate cover-up, the struggle, the inner cyclonic cacophony of life’s upsets, stresses and problems. Doing something about it is frightening, because we are not only admitting we have a problem, but we are falling prey to defeat.

We’re scared and feel cornered and we may not want to put forth the effort to have it not work out. So we stay stuck. We put on on fantastic make-up, dress in phenomenal clothes, and go about our day, blackmailing ourselves of the right to be happy, validated and feeling good. We emotionally deceive and cheat ourselves in a triage of inner battles and a trifecta of One against the world, and you against you. It’s a big step acknowledging a problem, and an even bigger step admitting it actually exits. And herein lies “The Big Secret”. If you’re at this point, you’re already halfway to figuring it out and finding clarity and emotional peace.

Your human spirit deserves to be free, happy and without complicity. Whether your issue is personal, relationship-oriented, parent-centered, anger or conflict ridden or relates to friends, family, work or career, you are many to live free of chains that hold you hostage to feelings of upset, discontent or crisis. It’s not fair to ourselves to walk around like this and live every minute of every day all dressed up and looking good on the inside, while feeling blue on the inside. One can only co-exist with the enemy for so long, until you reach your “I’ve-had-enough-I-can’t-take-it-anymore point. The sh*t has hit the fan and your miserable. I’m a huge proponent of “fake it ’til you make it”, but it only works if you’re working towards making it work. Get it? Dressing up the cover doesn’t help what’s inside for very long. It’s a bandaid approach and eventually the bandaid either starts to fray or fall apart completely. You deserve better. You deserve more. You deserve happy. I know this to be very true, because I too have been there.

We have to start talking. It’s unfair to ourselves and to others to be one way on the outside and yet another on the inside. You deserve your “who you are” to match your “what you are”, without the lies, deceit and masks. It’s ok to admit to having a problem and it’s even better wanting and finding help. It’s scary to surface any dilemma or emotional pain…it’s a lot of work, and it’s draining. It’s also very hard living in reality. But reality is less painful than misery. I’ll let you in on another secret… You are wonderful, you are loved, and you ARE braver than you think. From here forward it’s a piece of cake in comparison. You’ve already been doing the hardest work possible, and it’s time to release, stop fighting and get on with wonderful YOU! Why? How? You’ve been brave enough to live WITH it, you are BRAVE enough to live without it! (Amen and Hallelujah)

Now, it’s a path of letting yourself off the hook, and making and taking baby steps towards your future, your family’s future and the future of your kids. Make a list of your top 3 easiest issues to tackle, and GO! Start small and start here. Give yourself permission to live happy, validated, inspired, motivated and guilt-free. Surround yourself with non-judgemental, supportive people who will listen with an unbiased ear and offer understanding, support, love and care. Don’t be afraid to express yourself and allow yourself the opportunity to work it out and find happiness. No matter the outcome, you will have given yourself the best gift, and you’ll have let your outside match your inside. Eventually. However long it takes, you have the right to be happy and content, without inner conflict at any level.

Believe in YOU. You can do it. You deserve it. And remember, you’re NOT alone.

Feeling like you need more? Please call me at 416-576-5881 for in-office or phone coaching and counselling. International clients welcome!

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