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You Liked. You Loved. And Now, You Can’t Stand Him. Or Her. So What’s Next?
November 22, 2016
Group of happy friends against white background
We All Do It; Different Ways, Different Styles, Different Times Of Day. But How Are You Making The Other Person Really Feel?
November 29, 2016
yelling

How NOT to parent. Or behave towards anybody. Period.

I’ve seen this video a few times over the years, and it infuriates me. At this age, children are learning they have influence on the world, and are learning all the wonderful things they can do. Their decisions aren’t always informative or thoughtful however, only because they have no frame of reference between should and shouldn’t. Right and wrong vary for different families, so I won’t get into that.

Clearly here, she’s done something she felt pretty good and happy about, and Dad thought otherwise, but Dad is berating her. A tactic that only serves to bully, pressure, and cause or create nothing positive, except a circular conversation and push-back, especially if your child is older or in their teens. 

Often too, it’s difficult for parents to behave calmly and rationally, especially if they’re fed-up, frustrated, and resentful, or if there are other issues within the family dynamic, like anger or conflict. If there is, and often this is the reason why some people manage their children with reactivity and anger, I can help you. You just have to ask.

I have a lot of trouble with this video, and this situation, but it’s a prime lesson in reminding us of our job as parents: To empower. Be understanding. Be kind but firm. Converse with our children. Teach. Love. Repeat…

Acknowledge and Validate your children. Then suggest that their choice of action or behaviour could be different because because… and then go over the ” what-happens-when” when we colour on on walls, etc… and offer alternative choices.

Punishments aren’t for learning. Consequences are. And natural consequences are the best. If we take the time to explain to our children, calmly, the 5 W’s of their choices, then they have understanding and knowledge. And This works at any age, for adults too.

If she paints Barbie, it’s all good. Next time, when she goes to play with that doll and is disappointed that Barbie looks the way she does, she’ll feel like she should do that next time. Dad approached this encounter in a highly counter-productive manner. We’re wired to react, its human nature. But it’s no excuse for making positive and empowering choices, and leading by example, for our children.

Monkey-see, Monkey-do. How you behave gives license to your children to behave in the exact same way. And this, leads to difficult children at our faults. We have to remember to breathe, step back, and respond. We think better and more clearly here.

If you, or anyone you know, needs to help or support, please feel free to connect with me. I usually have appointments available within the week. Go here, to connect with me. https://www.laurenmillman.com

Lauren 

 

 

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