It was hot, intense, bold, provoking, and tense. Words were whispered, words screamed out, neither could breathe. She was building, he was building, and neither could contain themselves. No one gave up or gave in to the rawness of the experience. It was anti-climatic….
…Because no one apologized. It was a heated argument that no one wanted to back down from; it was trivial and time-consuming. Both wanted to win, and no one could could take the high road, the road less travelled, and say “I’m sorry.” The two most underused and most important words in the english language, in the history of man, woman and child. We get so caught up in our own emotions, about being right, about how WE feel, and often neglect those of the other person, and how they feel. Feelings are a key issue, and then the issue itself. When we acknowledge and validate how the other person feels, whether we influenced those feelings or not, we became more able to successfully move on through the conversation to find peace and resolve. we all want our side to be heard, but in order for that to happen, there has to be some ownership of accountability.
In choosing the high road, you become like the more insightful one–the one more willing to back down, and that’s a sign of good character. Not that the other person doesn’t have it, because they do, only in this particular situation, you have it more readily available…this time. This softens the blow and makes this next conversation easier and go more smoothly. Now you can talk about the issues and the nitty-gritty, with a sense of calm, collectedness, maturity and responsibility. Being right isn’t everything, and you ARE bigger than your ego! Someone’s gotta drop their end of the rope first, so it might as well be you. In doing so, you’ve not only showed great ability and thoughtfulness, you’ve also set the tone for next time, if there is one. You’ll feel better, and you can use that energy for something more important, more meaningful and less trivial.
So go ahead…..get heated, but remember where you want it to take you. You don’t want to go to the point of no return, THAT, comes after (teeheehee). You want to resolve the issue and move on effectively and maturely, because time, love and caring is precious. Relaxed breathing, sitting and being present to the situation are actions that will allow us to respond ad think, not react and go from zero to ten in a red-hot second. Be kind to yourself, and to the other person, and go easy, take the road less travelled. Oh, and don’t forget the makeup sex! ‘Nuff said.
Need more? Please feel free to call me at 416-576-5881 for an appointment.
You are empowered.