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Sometimes, how you say what you say, what tone and affect you have, says more than the words themselves. Sometimes, saying nothing, says everything.


Language can be described as descriptive, full of emotion, belief, and intention, it’s purpose is to convey meaning, feeling, direction, and messaging. Language is described as how we verbally communicate and understand each other, and while there are other, overt. covert, and subliminal ways in which we communicate and relay our feelings and intentions we are often not so aware of,  sometimes, what we do, and how we behave, often speaks louder than our words, and conveys other, more subliminal adjunctive intentions, sentiments or objectives.

At the end of the day, the key to any successful and healthy Relationship is communicating well. Communication has many facets, like verbal language, body language and physical behaviours, how well we listen, how well we hear, our responsiveness and reactiveness, how we express our feelings, our facial expressions, and how we use space. All these aspects of Communication translate how, and if, we are going to be understood, how we understand each other, and how we live socially and successfully, together. When all these aspects of communication come together, we have healthy relationships. But there’s more….

                                            How Do We Instantaneously Create Healthy Relationships?

Whether it’s with your partner, spouse, child, relative, neighbour, friend, boss or co-worker, there are several aspects of language that help create the perfect platform for a successful, interactive, and non-threatening relationship.

                                                       Here are 6 places to start, and you’re on your way….

1.Go In Without Expectation. It’s all about Mindset, a key component of how you’re going to structure the language you’re going to choose to use to translate your thoughts, feelings, ideas, or beliefs. Before you open your mouth, remember that any successful conversation has two sides. Commit to be flexible, be prepared to offer suggestions and alternatives, and if you’re not getting your way, you’re not in a conversation; you’re in a one-sided vault to nowhere-land, and on a quick and slippery path towards walls, fences, and daggers.

2. Leave Your Ego At The Door. We all know, the ego wants, what the ego wants. But the ego ain’t goin’ to get anywhere by bullying or bulldozing it’s way to success. It’s an epic hyper fail. If you’re a parent, you this methodology doesn’t work; you won’t get anywhere with your little darling if they’re swirling and you’re yelling. Conversational and Communication are successful when you’re mindset is win-win, and you’re willing to listen, hear, compromise, and be even-keeled about yourself.

3. Mirror. Mirrors are reflecting, right? If you’re looking to be intimidating, this article isn’t for you. To be successful in any exchange, it’s important to mirror the behaviour and stance of your audience. When we’re having a heart-to-heart with our kids, we get down to their level, right? In any conversation, personal or business, we need to do the same. If they’re standing, you stand. If they’re leaning back, you lean back. When we mirror the other person, we’re inviting them into a non-threatening situation, and they’ll be more wiling to stay and participate. Win-Win.
4. Mind Your Tone. Tone is everything. We’ve all experienced this when we’ve texted someone. The words are pretty self-explanatory, but if we assume the tone to be something other that it’s intended tone, it changes the entire context of the phrase or conversation. Check in with how you’re feeling. It’s the first thing that will influence your tone. Get into the right mindset, and the tone will follow.
5. Validate and Acknowledge. This one takes practice, and it’s the core of almost everything. My clients are always grateful when I remind them to Validate and Acknowledge. It’s where, despite how you feel, you’re validating the other person’s feelings, despite what you may think about how they should feel. That, but the way, is judgement, and judgement creates animosity. People want to feel heard and respected. Validate and Acknowledge.
6. Smile. For some, this may sound trite, but have you ever felt angry, or had an argument, while smiling? It’s really not that doable. Don’t believe me? Try it. Smiling changes the tones of our speech, and ensures our words come out kinder and nicer. A smile is also the universal sign and signal for “I’m not threatening”,  naturally invites people to feel good about you, and makes you, feel good about you.
Your body language is either fuelling the success of your interactions and goals, or its heading you straight down the path of self-sabotage. Successful and healthy relationships take time and practice. These 6 basics should help. Don’t sabotage your goals, wants, or desires. Think and give space before you engage in any communication, so that you have clear direction and thoughtful intention, without running the risk of it ending before it even begins.
Is there’s other “stuff” in the way, hampering you and the other person from having a healthy relationship? That’s the emotional clutter that needs to be tidied up before and during the process of learning and practicing how to have good, effective communication. Need to talk? Just give me a call, send me an email, or throw me a text. I’m right here, for you.



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